Jonathan Mooseknuckles walked right into Shaftholes, a divey sorta bar.
He didn't have Bilf's cock aura, but he had a pretty firm grip on his confidence and that tended to impress bouncers, who generally don't share that grasp.
Jonathan ordered a drink at the bar. "Bloody Mary, extra bloody," he said, winking.
The bartender eventually slid a sludgy crimson glass to Jonathan.
"That'll be $7.50."
"I'm not a vampire," said Jonathan, recycling a joke from earlier.
"Then you're gonna wanna avoid the cholesterol on the rim," shot back the bartender. He then turned into a bat and flew down the bar to the next customer.
"Hey," you could hear him saying in the distance, "Since I just took the shape of a bat and I'm about to take your drink orders, does that make me a 'bat render bartender?'"
It was a pretty weak play on words.
"Please don't tip based on that," he continued, "What'll you have?"
Jonathan tuned him out. There was a woman in front of him.
He was fixated.
She was gorgeous. Black hair, pulled back. Brown eyes. High, round cheeks.
And she was curvy in all the places. Which turned out to be all the right places. If you've got curves, flaunt it.
She was also straight in all the right places. Her teeth, mostly. The edges of her fingernails. Her rectum, Jonathan assumed.
I mean, he didn't know yet. But he wanted to find out.
"Hey, how's it going?" he said, sliding up to her. "I'm Jonathan."
8.29.2014
8.27.2014
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Bilf opened the door and welcomed Vonce into his parents McMansion.
Vonce had momentarily forgotten about the cock aura and found it slightly disarming for the likely difficult conversation ahead.
"What's going on, V?" asked Bilf casually, "The 'rents are out, wanna touch weiners or whatever?"
"Well, yes, always. But there's something I need to say first and then we can decide what's the next step."
Bilf stopped. "Should we be sitting down? This sounds kinda serious. You're not, like, pregnant or diseased or suddenly straight, are you?"
Vonce opened his mouth, paused a moment.
"Oh god." said Bilf.
"Look, I didn't expect it to happen but there was this hot werewolf lady and we just had this junk connection. I know I shouldn't have but I did borf her and I wanted you to know about it A.S.A.P."
"Well," said Bilf. That's all he could manage. Generally the cock aura lured people in. It'd been working since he was three. He had babysitters wrapped around his little ... finger.
So he wasn't used to being let down.
"Well, dang." said Bilf. "Any chance she wants to get in on our action? I mean, we are all hot teens with unbridled libidos and could use some more holes."
Vonce thought a moment. That could be interesting. But he remembered smelling that devlish Mooseknuckles' cologne on Shersharmjorp and decided he didn't need to complicate the storyline any further.
"I'm not sure that's a good idea," said Vonce.
"Well, then get out."
"Okee doke. That's a reasonable outcome. Have a good one."
"Yeah, see you at the Buttsack."
Bilf closed the door on Vonce.
"I'm gonna kill him," Bilf said, complicating the storyline.
Vonce had momentarily forgotten about the cock aura and found it slightly disarming for the likely difficult conversation ahead.
"What's going on, V?" asked Bilf casually, "The 'rents are out, wanna touch weiners or whatever?"
"Well, yes, always. But there's something I need to say first and then we can decide what's the next step."
Bilf stopped. "Should we be sitting down? This sounds kinda serious. You're not, like, pregnant or diseased or suddenly straight, are you?"
Vonce opened his mouth, paused a moment.
"Oh god." said Bilf.
"Look, I didn't expect it to happen but there was this hot werewolf lady and we just had this junk connection. I know I shouldn't have but I did borf her and I wanted you to know about it A.S.A.P."
"Well," said Bilf. That's all he could manage. Generally the cock aura lured people in. It'd been working since he was three. He had babysitters wrapped around his little ... finger.
So he wasn't used to being let down.
"Well, dang." said Bilf. "Any chance she wants to get in on our action? I mean, we are all hot teens with unbridled libidos and could use some more holes."
Vonce thought a moment. That could be interesting. But he remembered smelling that devlish Mooseknuckles' cologne on Shersharmjorp and decided he didn't need to complicate the storyline any further.
"I'm not sure that's a good idea," said Vonce.
"Well, then get out."
"Okee doke. That's a reasonable outcome. Have a good one."
"Yeah, see you at the Buttsack."
Bilf closed the door on Vonce.
"I'm gonna kill him," Bilf said, complicating the storyline.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Meet Bilf.
Vonce's hunk ex(?) boyfriend. Or maybe they'll work it out? Who knows! You'll just have to read on to find out.
Anyway, yes. Bilf.
Bilf was a skinny, sort of unassuming boy but he had a really cocky aura. And I don't mean confident, although as a teen he certainly had more confidence than he'd earned.
I mean cock. Weiner. Penis.
To be in Bilf's presence was to be in the presence of his wang. You know the type. There's just something about the person that suggests he has a fantastic horn. Like it's calling to you from his chinos. One can almost feel the heat radiating from his beefy crotch oven to the point where you can't help but picture yourself kneeling before him, pulling at the hem of his tighty-whiteys and gripping his meaty dong.
Maybe not even for sex. Just, you know, to feel it or something.
Anyway, Bilf had that kind of an aura and is not something that leads to a well balanced teen.
Vonce rang the doorbell.
Vonce's hunk ex(?) boyfriend. Or maybe they'll work it out? Who knows! You'll just have to read on to find out.
Anyway, yes. Bilf.
Bilf was a skinny, sort of unassuming boy but he had a really cocky aura. And I don't mean confident, although as a teen he certainly had more confidence than he'd earned.
I mean cock. Weiner. Penis.
To be in Bilf's presence was to be in the presence of his wang. You know the type. There's just something about the person that suggests he has a fantastic horn. Like it's calling to you from his chinos. One can almost feel the heat radiating from his beefy crotch oven to the point where you can't help but picture yourself kneeling before him, pulling at the hem of his tighty-whiteys and gripping his meaty dong.
Maybe not even for sex. Just, you know, to feel it or something.
Anyway, Bilf had that kind of an aura and is not something that leads to a well balanced teen.
Vonce rang the doorbell.
8.25.2014
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Shersh went down to the fridge. All the sweaty man/wolf/vampire porkings had left her dehydrated and hungry.
She pulled out some leftovers from last night. Mom's special, meatloaf. She thought for a moment about how she herself was kinda like this meatloaf, dry and salty. But instead of a bunch of meat stuck together with food glue, she was a bunch of feelings stuck together with heart glue, or something.
Also like the meatloaf, she changed shapes depending on its environment. You could bake it in any shape dish you want. And Shersh had been baked in a human shaped dish. And a wolf shaped dish.
She realized the metaphor wasn't perfect and wouldn't fly in English class as she slid the plate into the microwave.
Now it was starting to look like something she really wanted: steaming hot meat.
Yep. She was horny again. Man! Teens!
The microwave beeped and she pulled out her plate of meatloaf.
And then she nearly dropped it because her mother was standing right there.
Well, more like floating.
"Mom?!" she exclaimed.
Ghost Tina didn't acknowledge her. She just started going through the fridge and cupboards gathering ingredients.
"Mom! Can you hear me!? Mom! Mom!"
Shersh set down her plate.
"Hey, Mom, look at me!" she started doing jumping jacks and flailing her arms.
Ghost Tina just kept collecting ingredients. Beef, tomato, bread crumbs, onion.
Shersh reached a hesitant hand out. She pulled back a moment. What was she doing? Touching a ghost? That's crazy!
But what did she have to lose? She reached forward again as her mother set out the eggs and - GROSS!
Ghosts are cold, sticky and weird.
Shersh immediately regretted it.
And it didn't seem to do anything anyway. Ghost Tina kept going with the ingredients.
Ingredients for meatloaf.
It clicked for Shersh.
"Mom. Are you reliving your last night?" she asked expositionally.
Ghost Tina cracked an egg.
Shersh pulled up a chair.
She pulled out some leftovers from last night. Mom's special, meatloaf. She thought for a moment about how she herself was kinda like this meatloaf, dry and salty. But instead of a bunch of meat stuck together with food glue, she was a bunch of feelings stuck together with heart glue, or something.
Also like the meatloaf, she changed shapes depending on its environment. You could bake it in any shape dish you want. And Shersh had been baked in a human shaped dish. And a wolf shaped dish.
She realized the metaphor wasn't perfect and wouldn't fly in English class as she slid the plate into the microwave.
Now it was starting to look like something she really wanted: steaming hot meat.
Yep. She was horny again. Man! Teens!
The microwave beeped and she pulled out her plate of meatloaf.
And then she nearly dropped it because her mother was standing right there.
Well, more like floating.
"Mom?!" she exclaimed.
Ghost Tina didn't acknowledge her. She just started going through the fridge and cupboards gathering ingredients.
"Mom! Can you hear me!? Mom! Mom!"
Shersh set down her plate.
"Hey, Mom, look at me!" she started doing jumping jacks and flailing her arms.
Ghost Tina just kept collecting ingredients. Beef, tomato, bread crumbs, onion.
Shersh reached a hesitant hand out. She pulled back a moment. What was she doing? Touching a ghost? That's crazy!
But what did she have to lose? She reached forward again as her mother set out the eggs and - GROSS!
Ghosts are cold, sticky and weird.
Shersh immediately regretted it.
And it didn't seem to do anything anyway. Ghost Tina kept going with the ingredients.
Ingredients for meatloaf.
It clicked for Shersh.
"Mom. Are you reliving your last night?" she asked expositionally.
Ghost Tina cracked an egg.
Shersh pulled up a chair.
8.22.2014
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
It was a pretty rigorous pipe-cleaning.
Shersh was really enjoying the sexuality she was discovering. They breathed in ecstasy a moment as a sort of denouement.
"Did you learn that from your mother?"
Shersh did not respond.
"Oh, right. Insensitive. Sorry."
Mooseknuckles got up, dropping the panties he still held clutched in his fist.
"Welp." He said, "I gotta go."
He put on his pants and cape and opened the window.
"Oh," he turned from the windowsill, "Have a grapefruit or something. Your Ph is off."
He was gone.
Shersh was really enjoying the sexuality she was discovering. They breathed in ecstasy a moment as a sort of denouement.
"Did you learn that from your mother?"
Shersh did not respond.
"Oh, right. Insensitive. Sorry."
Mooseknuckles got up, dropping the panties he still held clutched in his fist.
"Welp." He said, "I gotta go."
He put on his pants and cape and opened the window.
"Oh," he turned from the windowsill, "Have a grapefruit or something. Your Ph is off."
He was gone.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Shersh stepped into her empty home.
"Mom, I'm ho- ...oh, right. This is going to take some getting used to."
She dropped her bookbag at the door and stomped up to her room.
Throwing herself on the bed, she first sighed with the weight of the world, then screamed at the man in her room. Then demurred.
"Oh, hey Jonathan Mooseknuckles. I didn't expect to see you here."
"Sup."
"Cuz it's my room and all."
"Oh, I was just..." he started, closing the top drawer of Shersh's dresser slyly, "I was just... is this not my room?"
"No," said Shersh, "It's mine."
"Rightio. Well, I've been bewitched by you since the moment you noticed me in the hallway before, or whatever." He slid close to her, "But what if this were our room?"
"Ew," said Shersh, "That was super douchey."
"Yeah, well, I'm kinda trying to tap dance around explaining what I was doing in here."
He brought his clenched fist to his nose and inhaled deeply.
"Not that I'm not into it," she said, "It's just... things are weird."
She thought of that lusty, musty-gym wolf romp from earlier.
"Oh, with your mom dead and all?" offered Jonathan.
"Oh, right."
She thought further. Here was the strapping Jonathan Mooseknuckles standing before her. Shirtless, for some reason, and sniffing his fist again.
And where was Vonce? She'd just come home for the first time since her mom died and where was he?
Probably overlooking a majestic canyon in that jacket and thinking about the world while the sun set.
And here she was. Alone. In her time of need.
No. That's not right. Not alone.
"Come here," she said to Jonathan Mooseknuckles.
"Mom, I'm ho- ...oh, right. This is going to take some getting used to."
She dropped her bookbag at the door and stomped up to her room.
Throwing herself on the bed, she first sighed with the weight of the world, then screamed at the man in her room. Then demurred.
"Oh, hey Jonathan Mooseknuckles. I didn't expect to see you here."
"Sup."
"Cuz it's my room and all."
"Oh, I was just..." he started, closing the top drawer of Shersh's dresser slyly, "I was just... is this not my room?"
"No," said Shersh, "It's mine."
"Rightio. Well, I've been bewitched by you since the moment you noticed me in the hallway before, or whatever." He slid close to her, "But what if this were our room?"
"Ew," said Shersh, "That was super douchey."
"Yeah, well, I'm kinda trying to tap dance around explaining what I was doing in here."
He brought his clenched fist to his nose and inhaled deeply.
"Not that I'm not into it," she said, "It's just... things are weird."
She thought of that lusty, musty-gym wolf romp from earlier.
"Oh, with your mom dead and all?" offered Jonathan.
"Oh, right."
She thought further. Here was the strapping Jonathan Mooseknuckles standing before her. Shirtless, for some reason, and sniffing his fist again.
And where was Vonce? She'd just come home for the first time since her mom died and where was he?
Probably overlooking a majestic canyon in that jacket and thinking about the world while the sun set.
And here she was. Alone. In her time of need.
No. That's not right. Not alone.
"Come here," she said to Jonathan Mooseknuckles.
8.20.2014
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Vonce caught up to Shersharmjorp in the woods beyond the wretched athletic fields.
"Shersh," began Vonce, "Shersh, I've had the genital hots for you since the first time I saw you. Back at the gym. I just knew that you're special. A sweet and sincere soul. And the connection we felt is real. And the doggy style boning was real. And super hot. And I've never felt as close to any one as I do to you. And that includes my boyfriend, Bilf, and man is he going to be confused! and anyway I just want to say I think we can make this work."
At least, Vonce thought he said all that. But then he remembered they were both still wolves and wolves don't really have language and while they can speak, it takes some effort.
So what he said came out as more of a mewling whine.
Vonce turned humany again and waited for Shersh to do the same. She did, eventually, but she took her time. She knew who held the real power here.
"Wow," she said, "You really do have an annoying, high-pitched whine. Like a bitch."
Vonce looked down.
Dang.
"But that leather jacket is still totally hot."
Vonce sighed. The moment was gone.
He changed tacks.
"Hey, what was that bummer Principal Pocketwatch had to tell you?"
"Oh, nothing, really. Just that my mother was brutally murdered."
"Harsh."
"I know, right? Hey, you weren't in biology. How'd you hear that announcement? Superheightened werewolf senses?"
"Oh," explained Vonce, "he said it to the whole school, remember?"
"Oh, right. Yeah."
"That seemed comically cruel."
"Yeah, like something out of a satire or something."
"Anyway."
"Anyway," Shersharmjorp shifted her weight to her other leg. Vonce shuffled some leaves.
"So..."
"You know," said Vonce, changing tack again. He was like a regatta captain with this damn conversation, "You might want to work some more citrus into your diet. Your Ph is off."
That was the superheightened senses.
"Shersh," began Vonce, "Shersh, I've had the genital hots for you since the first time I saw you. Back at the gym. I just knew that you're special. A sweet and sincere soul. And the connection we felt is real. And the doggy style boning was real. And super hot. And I've never felt as close to any one as I do to you. And that includes my boyfriend, Bilf, and man is he going to be confused! and anyway I just want to say I think we can make this work."
At least, Vonce thought he said all that. But then he remembered they were both still wolves and wolves don't really have language and while they can speak, it takes some effort.
So what he said came out as more of a mewling whine.
Vonce turned humany again and waited for Shersh to do the same. She did, eventually, but she took her time. She knew who held the real power here.
"Wow," she said, "You really do have an annoying, high-pitched whine. Like a bitch."
Vonce looked down.
Dang.
"But that leather jacket is still totally hot."
Vonce sighed. The moment was gone.
He changed tacks.
"Hey, what was that bummer Principal Pocketwatch had to tell you?"
"Oh, nothing, really. Just that my mother was brutally murdered."
"Harsh."
"I know, right? Hey, you weren't in biology. How'd you hear that announcement? Superheightened werewolf senses?"
"Oh," explained Vonce, "he said it to the whole school, remember?"
"Oh, right. Yeah."
"That seemed comically cruel."
"Yeah, like something out of a satire or something."
"Anyway."
"Anyway," Shersharmjorp shifted her weight to her other leg. Vonce shuffled some leaves.
"So..."
"You know," said Vonce, changing tack again. He was like a regatta captain with this damn conversation, "You might want to work some more citrus into your diet. Your Ph is off."
That was the superheightened senses.
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