CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

Shersh wheeled around and swatted at the hand on her shoulder.
It was a moleman! Or molewoman! Hard to tell, really.
The thing shrunk back from her flashlight.
"Who are you?!" she shouted.
But, of course, molepeople don't speak English.
Instead it just reared up and attacked.
Shersh got wolfy real quick and fought back.
It was brutal! Fur, teeth, claws, dirt, blood. All illuminated dramatically by the flashlight rolling in the dirt. If only this were a movie! Then we'd see what was happening in an intensely dramatic, cinematic battle.

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

Vonce caught up to Shersharmjorp in the woods beyond the wretched athletic fields.
"Shersh," began Vonce, "Shersh, I've had the genital hots for you since the first time I saw you. Back at the gym. I just knew that you're special. A sweet and sincere soul. And the connection we felt is real. And the doggy style boning was real. And super hot. And I've never felt as close to any one as I do to you. And that includes my boyfriend, Bilf, and man is he going to be confused! and anyway I just want to say I think we can make this work."
At least, Vonce thought he said all that. But then he remembered they were both still wolves and wolves don't really have language and while they can speak, it takes some effort.
So what he said came out as more of a mewling whine.
Vonce turned humany again and waited for Shersh to do the same. She did, eventually, but she took her time. She knew who held the real power here.
"Wow," she said, "You really do have an annoying, high-pitched whine. Like a bitch."
Vonce looked down.
Dang.
"But that leather jacket is still totally hot."
Vonce sighed. The moment was gone.
He changed tacks.
"Hey, what was that bummer Principal Pocketwatch had to tell you?"
"Oh, nothing, really. Just that my mother was brutally murdered."
"Harsh."
"I know, right? Hey, you weren't in biology. How'd you hear that announcement? Superheightened werewolf senses?"
"Oh," explained Vonce, "he said it to the whole school, remember?"
"Oh, right. Yeah."
"That seemed comically cruel."
"Yeah, like something out of a satire or something."
"Anyway."
"Anyway," Shersharmjorp shifted her weight to her other leg. Vonce shuffled some leaves.
"So..."
"You know," said Vonce, changing tack again. He was like a regatta captain with this damn conversation, "You might want to work some more citrus into your diet. Your Ph is off."
That was the superheightened senses.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

"OK, now that roll call's finally over... any questions about science?" said Miss Professor to the class.
Nobody spoke.
"Nobody. No one cares what you think."
Nobody shut up.
Willow raised a hesitant hand.
"Yes, Willow?"
"Um, not that I'm a werewolf or it has a direct influence on my nightly activities," she said, laughing a little to show the class the VERY IDEA of such a thing was ridiculous, "But, um, what's the deal with the moon?"
"The moon?"
"Yeah, you know. The, like, night ...sun?"
Miss Professor sighed. "It's a big rock that orbits the Earth in space."
"Excuse me, Miss Professor?" said that first douche from earlier.
"Yes, douche?"
He ignored it. "Why waste time explaining the concept of 'moon' in a high school biology class?"
"I was done, douche," Miss Professor spat, "And, douche, I'm not here to debate the philosophy of education, douche. That's a different class. Douche."
The douche looked down. The rest of the class looked at the douche.
"Douche." She said again.
"It's not pronounced 'douche'!" he finally snapped. "My name is Douché!"
"I don't see an accent mark."
"That's because we're talking out loud. If this were written in a book, say, or on a blog, it'd be there clear as day!"
"Douche!" Professor shouted, "Principal's office!"
Douché sighed. He knew what he had done.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Geez. That's a dumb name, too. Sorry, I'll try to do better.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Look. I'm an unreliable narrator.
You're just going to have to accept it.