Once again, Mr. Snuffles saw everything.
He was a rabbit, so his vision in the dark was pretty good. And he just felt comfortable in earthen holes.
In fact that eyesight, coupled with the fact that he was neither giving nor receiving a faceload of wolf junk let him see something the wolves had missed.
There was one more moleperson. She'd been hiding under one of the many piles of molecorpses.
She slid her way out now and slowly, carefully made her way toward the rabbit.
Mr. Snuffles twitched with excitement.
9.17.2014
9.15.2014
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
The molepeople had circled Shershie. Despite all her rage, she was trapped like a rat in a cage. Or a werewolf in a circle of genetically mutated molemen.
They hissed and gesticulated at her. She snarled and snapped back, her ferocious bites causing the attackers to pause a moment and really consider the full implications of the bite.
Shersh was unsure of what was about to happen. She did know one thing, though: for once in her teens she wasn't horny.
Then a fluttering from above. A sound like a sail luffing in a farty breeze.
It was Vonce, wolf-Vonce, gliding down from the surface on his Bilf-a-chute. He landed gracefully on the pads of his paws.
"Shersh," he nodded at her, "Sup?"
And now she was horny again.
She kept it at bay, though.
"Wanna help me take out these mole... people?"
Vonce then noticed the circle of filthy, ugly, stinky motherfuckers.
"Yeah," he said, "let's... rock and MOLE!"
(sorry)
He tugged hard on the Bilf-a-chute straps. It had been slowly settling but with the jerk he sent it down and sideways. Bilf's flayed skin trapped a handful of molemen with a sick, sticky sound.
Vonce charged the skin mound and caromed off it, vaulting into the mole horde. Shersh charged in toothfirst, biting as many grubby legs as she could.
She reasoned it'd be harder for them to fight if they couldn't stand up.
She was right.
The strategy had the added benefit of making it super easy to bite their heads off.
Shersh and Vonce started off actually eating the heads, popping them off like, well, there's not really an analogous human experience for it. Maybe, like, the free samples at the grocery store? But there are way more than you could possibly eat. Also: they're filthy. Eventually you wind up taking the sample, biting into it, smiling and nodding and rubbing your belly at the vendor as if to say, "So good! I would totally eat a million of these!" and then turning around and discreetly spitting the cheese or whatever into a napkin.
Shersh and Vonce didn't have a napkin, though. They just spat the heads onto the ground. And by the time they were done, the ground was slick with brain and blood and lousy with bone and whisker.
Which somehow made the post-slaughter porking even hotter.
They hissed and gesticulated at her. She snarled and snapped back, her ferocious bites causing the attackers to pause a moment and really consider the full implications of the bite.
Shersh was unsure of what was about to happen. She did know one thing, though: for once in her teens she wasn't horny.
Then a fluttering from above. A sound like a sail luffing in a farty breeze.
It was Vonce, wolf-Vonce, gliding down from the surface on his Bilf-a-chute. He landed gracefully on the pads of his paws.
"Shersh," he nodded at her, "Sup?"
And now she was horny again.
She kept it at bay, though.
"Wanna help me take out these mole... people?"
Vonce then noticed the circle of filthy, ugly, stinky motherfuckers.
"Yeah," he said, "let's... rock and MOLE!"
(sorry)
He tugged hard on the Bilf-a-chute straps. It had been slowly settling but with the jerk he sent it down and sideways. Bilf's flayed skin trapped a handful of molemen with a sick, sticky sound.
Vonce charged the skin mound and caromed off it, vaulting into the mole horde. Shersh charged in toothfirst, biting as many grubby legs as she could.
She reasoned it'd be harder for them to fight if they couldn't stand up.
She was right.
The strategy had the added benefit of making it super easy to bite their heads off.
Shersh and Vonce started off actually eating the heads, popping them off like, well, there's not really an analogous human experience for it. Maybe, like, the free samples at the grocery store? But there are way more than you could possibly eat. Also: they're filthy. Eventually you wind up taking the sample, biting into it, smiling and nodding and rubbing your belly at the vendor as if to say, "So good! I would totally eat a million of these!" and then turning around and discreetly spitting the cheese or whatever into a napkin.
Shersh and Vonce didn't have a napkin, though. They just spat the heads onto the ground. And by the time they were done, the ground was slick with brain and blood and lousy with bone and whisker.
Which somehow made the post-slaughter porking even hotter.
9.12.2014
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
Shersh's wolf howl just faintly escaped the event horizon of the hole.
It was hard for Vonce to hear it, though, because Bilf was shoving him into the pit and yelling "I just knew you'd fall for me again."
They both grimaced. It wasn't a great line.
Vonce grabbed Bilf's hand as he fell back into the nothingness and they plummeted together.
"We'll die as one!" Bilf shouted triumphantly.
Vonce didn't say anything. He just turned into a wolf and ate Bilf's head.
Then he filleted Bilf and turned his skin into a parachute.
It was hard for Vonce to hear it, though, because Bilf was shoving him into the pit and yelling "I just knew you'd fall for me again."
They both grimaced. It wasn't a great line.
Vonce grabbed Bilf's hand as he fell back into the nothingness and they plummeted together.
"We'll die as one!" Bilf shouted triumphantly.
Vonce didn't say anything. He just turned into a wolf and ate Bilf's head.
Then he filleted Bilf and turned his skin into a parachute.
CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
Shersh finally got the mole person pinned and bit its throat, tearing out a long stretch of gross stuff that's supposed to stay on the inside of living things.
She howled in triumph.
Then she realized there were about fifty more of the mole things watching her.
She howled in triumph.
Then she realized there were about fifty more of the mole things watching her.
CHAPTER FORTY FIVE
You can imagine Vonce's expression when he came across where Shershie's house had been. And if you can't imagine, Google a video of horse breeding while looking at yourself in the mirror.
Clods of dirt and grass were still falling off the rim of the chasm and raining into the void below.
Vonce peered down. He couldn't see anything but the edges of the hole fading into blackness. Like looking into a big dirt butthole. Or Sarlaac, I guess.
"Man," thought Vonce, "I'd sure hate to fall down there."
Bilf quietly approached from behind.
Clods of dirt and grass were still falling off the rim of the chasm and raining into the void below.
Vonce peered down. He couldn't see anything but the edges of the hole fading into blackness. Like looking into a big dirt butthole. Or Sarlaac, I guess.
"Man," thought Vonce, "I'd sure hate to fall down there."
Bilf quietly approached from behind.
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
Shersh wheeled around and swatted at the hand on her shoulder.
It was a moleman! Or molewoman! Hard to tell, really.
The thing shrunk back from her flashlight.
"Who are you?!" she shouted.
But, of course, molepeople don't speak English.
Instead it just reared up and attacked.
Shersh got wolfy real quick and fought back.
It was brutal! Fur, teeth, claws, dirt, blood. All illuminated dramatically by the flashlight rolling in the dirt. If only this were a movie! Then we'd see what was happening in an intensely dramatic, cinematic battle.
It was a moleman! Or molewoman! Hard to tell, really.
The thing shrunk back from her flashlight.
"Who are you?!" she shouted.
But, of course, molepeople don't speak English.
Instead it just reared up and attacked.
Shersh got wolfy real quick and fought back.
It was brutal! Fur, teeth, claws, dirt, blood. All illuminated dramatically by the flashlight rolling in the dirt. If only this were a movie! Then we'd see what was happening in an intensely dramatic, cinematic battle.
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
Vonce hated himself.
He'd never thought of himself as a cleave-it-and-leave-it sort. That's referring to his penetrating Shersh's wolfy vagina with his boner pole and then parting ways in the woods.
So he resolved to make it up to her.
He picked up some gifts at the Walgreens then headed for Shersh's home.
Bilf followed at some distance, seething.
He'd never thought of himself as a cleave-it-and-leave-it sort. That's referring to his penetrating Shersh's wolfy vagina with his boner pole and then parting ways in the woods.
So he resolved to make it up to her.
He picked up some gifts at the Walgreens then headed for Shersh's home.
Bilf followed at some distance, seething.
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